Entry 2

Dear Diary,

I decided I like starting like this. So, how’s it been?

JK, thats what I’m supposed to tell you. Alana thinks that for someone that’s so resistant to do this, I am doing a greeeaaattt job. Please note, I was using the voice of the cornflakes guy when saying that.

Anyways, last week I told you about Kevin, now is on to another significant memory when it comes to the world of love and feelings. So after Kevin who was it. There were definitely small crushes in between, but the next memory that comes to mind is Emmanuel Brown.

Emmanuel Brown:

I met Emmanuel in my neighbourhood. He was visiting from Australia, and was spending the summer in Canada. I had just come back from a trip, and that Emmanuels name buzzed all around the neighbourhood. Apparently he was a great singer, was cute, fun and told stories about Australia that had the whole neighbourhood entranced. He had the whole neighbourhood talking, they kept asking him to talk. The kids in the area would wait by his house every afternoon to invite him to come play outside. I didn’t think much of him, I thought his accent was cool, and when we first met, he was ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’ with a girl named Jessica. She had bright red hair and green eyes. We always got along but didn’t hang around the same people most of the time.

A week after my re-entry into the neighbourhood, the broke up (Apparently Jessica dumped him). Shortly after the breakup, he made an announcement that he liked someone else and would be telling everyone who it is at the park. My friend Shawna wanted to know who the new lucky girl was, and dragged me along with everyone to listen to his announcement. He stood at the top of the jungle gym while his subjects sat around him, anxiously waiting to hear who it is. When he said my name, my stomach dropped to the floor.

I wasn’t expecting this, and felt my face heat up with embarrassment as everyone turned to face me. I’ve never talked to Emmanuel before, I barely knew him. Hearing my name spoken so boldly and publicly caused a wave of nerves that I didn’t no how to control. So I did the only thing I can think of, I ran home to hide in my room.

A couple of minutes later, Shawna rang my doorbell and came to my room. She told me Joshua asked me to be his girlfriend and I had to let him know today. She said it with excitement, as if I should be jumping for joy at the idea of it. But I couldn’t. I was afraid, nervous, uncertain of what it would mean. But I also feared what it would mean if I said no. Would he be mad or hurt at my rejection. I thought about how sad I was when Kevin found out I liked him, I automatically assumed he didn’t like me back and the feeling of that was unsettling. I didn’t want to give Emmanuel that same feeling. So I said yes.

I went back with Shawna to the park, and accepted his request. We hugged and made it official. I stayed away from him most of the time. Continuing to play with my friends, but there were times where he would join us and try to talk to me. I never knew what to say or do so I would just listen to him babble on. He told me he liked me alot and I had no idea why.

One day, Shawna, Emmanuel, his cousin Quinton and friend Dontell were all sitting at the park. Emmanuel often sang, he had a really nice voice. He told me he wanted to sing me a song. he placed me in the center of the park and performed a ballad for me, with everyone watching. I felt so awkward and embarrassed as he sang this song dedicated to me. The next day I asked Shawna to break up with him for me as I feared he would do it again. It’s safe to say he didn’t take it well.

The last few weeks he was cold and distant with me. Often ignoring me when we would all be in the park together. One day all the kids in the area were playing manhunt. Before splitting off, I heard Quinton ask Emmanuel if he still liked me. Hearing my name I turned to look at them. Emmanuel’s face was clouded over in what looked like disdain and contempt. Without taking his eyes off me, he said “Nah, she’s getting kinda ugly actually.”

I felt my face heat with embarrassment. I wanted to burry myself in the sanded jungle gym. My minuted whirled around his statement, was I getting ugly? Is that why he was being so mean to me. The thought of him being mad at me for the breakup occurred to me, but the thought that I was getting ugly and therefore no longer worthy of being liked was even more prevalent.

Anyways, that’s all Alana. Great session this week. TTYL